I must admit, when the news broke about Kim Kardashian’s breakup from her grey eyed hunka husband Kris Humphries, I too joined the country in a great big LOL and an “I saw that one coming”. Being one of the many reality show junkies in my circle of friends, I knew that something in the milk wasn’t clean and that as much as I wanted to believe it was going to work, deep down I knew it was destined for divorce court. What I didn’t expect though was to feel any type of kinship to Princess Kim. I mean, she’s loaded. I’m not. Her mom pimped her royally. Mine did not. (I was chosen to be on the Mickey Mouse Club when I was little and my mama was like hell no I’m not leaving my job and moving to Orlando.) She has dated some of the hottest (and not so hot i.e. Ray-J) guys around. My exes, awesome, handsome, but no Reggie Bush. But when I read her statement she posted on her blog last night explaining her decision to leave Kris, my heart went out to her, because I was her.
In 2003, after dating a really nice guy for 5 years, he proposed. I was 23. I was finishing law school and was on the tail end of the 1st round of wedding fever. You know those things go in rounds. When you graduate college, there is a 2-3 year round when half your friends are getting married. Wait another 5-7 years and round 2 will begin with the other half of friends AND some of those who particiated in the first round and were back at it for round 2 sans the “starter spouse”. Anyhoo, I told my boyfriend NOT to propose to me. I had been living out-of-state and away from him for 3 years. I asked him to wait until I returned to the same zip code he was in so we could be sure we were the same people we were when I left. He ignored me. Proposed 2 months later. And what did I do, I said yes. Why? Because I felt like I was supposed to. It was time. It was too embarassing to say “didn’t I tell you not to do this”. My mother was on her way to my apartment and surely she already knew what was happening at that moment. He had spent his hard earned money on a ring. All of our friends were friends. All of his frat brothers had become my real brothers and best friends. I couldn’t say no. So I said yes. And then it began.
Unlike Kim Kardashian, I avoided the hoopla by saying I had to study for the Bar Exam. Clearly not an issue for Kimmie. That BARELY worked as my fiancee kept pushing me to set a date and plan our wedding and move in with him. It was a whirlwind that I couldn’t figure out why I wanted to get out of. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him. It was that my heart had decided some time before then that it was no longer in it. My head just hadn’t caught up before the day he asked me to be his wife. And since we are taught to think with our heads and not our hearts, I said yes. But after that 2 day exam, there I was, returned to the whirlwind. And i let it pick me up like the tornado did Dorothy and when I landed I was in Priscilla of Boston picking out wedding dresses. As the attendant went to the back to prepare my dressing room, I waited in the front with one of my best friends, and all of sudden burst out into tears. Not silent tears. Audible, hyperventilating sobs. And I lamented “WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!?!” My friend went into full protective mode and said “It’s ok, its ok, its ok! Calm down. Just because we are here does NOT mean you have to get married.” After 10 minutes I could breathe. I even stayed to try on dresses. Each time coming out of the room and looking at her saying “this doesn’t mean I HAVE to do this right?”, to which she replied each time “Right”. We got in the car and headed home and she asked me a question I will never forget. She said “If who he is today, right now, is as good as it gets, for the rest of your life, is that enough.” It took me a week to answer that question. And the answer was no. And although it was the hardest thing I ever had to do to tell that man I didn’t want to marry him after all, it was the best thing I could’ve done. And even though I felt like a complete failure, and often still do when it comes to relationships, one of my other close friends told me that I was the bravest person she knew.
And that’s the moral of Kim’s tragic story: she needs more people. I didn’t know HOW to be brave. I didn’t know HOW to walk away. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make at that time. I, unlike Kim, had people who made it possible for me to make that decision BEFORE I spent my mama and daddy’s good money on a reception site off Biscayne Bay and a fancy white dress. I get loving how “love” feels and wanting a husband
and babies. Not everyone wants all of that. Me & Kim do! We want it so badly that we often keep people in our lives for longer than they should because we hold on to the hope that THIS will be the one that gives me what I’ve been waiting for. Yearning for. Watching and envying our sisters and friends who have found what we so desperately want. But that’s the greatest thing about having more people. Regular-ass people, may I add. Not celebrities, not rich, not fancy. Regular ass people. Who fight with their wives, cheat on their husbands, get worn down by their kids, and come back every day to make it work. Kim needs more people. I love my people.
Sweet Nothings from the Sidebar 
I LOVE THIS. See, I’m glad I have you as my people because I don’t know what I’m doing out here.
Anytime sister 🙂
I was not shocked when the divorce rumors started…US Weekly can be a great resource! I stopped watching the Kardashians years ago but yet felt like they were still everywhere. Meaning so much of their lives of “celebrity” is because we talk about them. Kim was promoting her princess dream wedding like 3 weeks ago. If she knew she wasn’t happy and was thinking divorce…why was she promoting to watch it on E? I know the answer…she wanted us talking about her.
I agree she needs better people but she knew what she was doing all these months.
All that to say, I really appreciate your compassion for her…I have none.
I’m a believer in all things come out in the wash. I also believe that we protect our “jobs” with vigor and she had to do the same. I think its easier for those of us who follow the family through reality television because we have a bit of the in between. I also follow the family on Twitter. 2 weeks ago they wrapped filming Kim & Kortney Take NY. They taped for 3 months. The whole time she and Kris were married. When it airs, we will see the demise of the relationship and it will be less abrupt. But you know, if she didn’t take any money out of our pockets, we shouldn’t be opposed to spending a little “grace” on her. Thanks for reading and commenting!!!
I love this post big sis! I too had ‘marriage fever’ but I took the courage that was needed to want more…and by having the best ‘person’ to guide me, I let go and now I wait as my fairy tale slowly progresses. Love you!
Thanks hun! Love you too! Your prince will come!
YES!!! I LOVE this…!!! She definitely needed MORE people!!!!
You have plenty people but you know if you need one more, I got you! Thanks for reading!
Way to go Girl keeping it real! I was disgusted at the hypocracy of people…They judged her for what millions do everyday…Even if she got married for the wrong reasons…She got the hell out for the Right Ones…
Hell and yes. Thanks for reading and commenting!
So glad you had people! I pray to God my people will be there for me…so far they have been the best!
This is MY story except I only made it through going through the swatches.. my first fiancee and boyfriend from High School and College proposed and set the wedding to be the week after I graduated from FAMU. He was settled working in Missouri and waiting on me.. but oh I changed from that little girl during my Junior year but he didnt notice. He popped the question at the annual family christmas party.. I said YES. Then rode back to my house with my roomie who flew in and cried.. I remember the day I took the ring back to his mother with my mom in tow (and his Mom said) it will be here when you go through this “stage” .. well .. I never went back. I always felt horrible til one day my roomie said about 7 years later.. GIRL you are the strongest woman I ever met when I think how you defied everyone and broke off that engagement.. Gods got something for you.. and lo and behold that year I met my husband (now 11 years)…. and I exhaled and patted myself on my back.
So why did your comment make me cry?!?! Hope that happens for me too. Thanks for sharing!
Now both of you have me tearing up. I love brave women. You both have stories that other women need to hear.
I know more than one woman who married b/c everyone else thought it was right. One corrected that mistake quickly by facing up to it. The other is 15 years and 2 kids in and now facing the reality. You saved yourselves. AMEN!
-Dee
Great post, Bourg!! I never really thought of her as an emotional human being, and that’s totally unfair. She makes her mistakes in the public eye, while we get to make ours privately or with very few spectators. I’m glad you put this into perspective.
And thats what people tend to forget. Thanks!
Well, when you put it like that…
I, too, am Kim Kardashian. And I didn’t have people either. About two weeks before my wedding I had a colossal breakdown with my besties at a steakhouse. I sobbed, they told me it was just nerves.
I got married two weeks later. And two years later I moved out. Our divorce was totally amicable, but it was still the saddest event of my life. It still affects me and it all could have been avoided if I had just had the guts to end it before it began.